What would you do if your Yoga journey (I am talking about the asana practice on the mat) was disrupted by an accident or other health issue?
That’s what happened to me a few weeks ago and I am still coming to terms with it. A long standing spine issue flared up and forced me to have a break from all twists, back- and forward-bends.
It is not an easy journey and I notice how irritable and frustrated I am. My regular asana practice was such an important part of my life and also helped me cope with unpleasant emotions, stress and tension. Not to mention the endorphins that would be released into my bloodstream, greatly enhancing my mood.
I have good moments as well, where I am grateful that I can still walk, but often frustration creeps back in and I just want for things to go back to the way they were. I guess some of you will remind me of practising yoga OFF the mat. That the asanas are just a very small part in the overall Yoga practice. Yes, there are the other limbs of Yoga like the yamas (how you treat others), the niyamas (how you treat yourself), pranayama (breath control), pratyahara (withdrawl of senses), dharana (concentration), dhyana (meditation), and samadhi (state of ecstasy).
I know there is learning in every experience but at the moment I am just riding the roller coaster of emotions. Frustration. Sadness/Depression. Impatience. Fear.
What I am grateful for today:
- That I can walk
- My pain has lessened in the past few weeks
- That I have faith I will practice Yoga asanas again
Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
At first I just wanted to just copy and paste an old post in I have written a while ago for exactly this situation. When I would be either:
- Pressed for time
- Don’t know what to write about
And as I am really feeling pressed for time I almost resorted to it just to get it over and done with. But it didn’t feel right as it would do injustice to what this blog is about. It is about “staying with WHAT IS” not matter what. So no running from it or escaping in any way.
Ok, so I’ll try:
I am still feeling angry. Argh!!!!
I have this agitation in my chest which I already had when waking up. Yes, I woke up feeling cranky because as I pictured the day ahead I couldn’t fit everything in I wanted or needed to do.
And then I go to the easiest target available which is of course my partner and started to blame him for “tricking” me into having a brunch date with friends of ours which I didn’t really wanted to in the first place.
On top of other things, I also have to prepare for a workshop which I will be presenting this week and which I had ample time to do so. But for reasons I don’t quite understand I never got around to.
I know there is some sort of self-sabotaging in place, because every time I open the workshop document I feel kind of overwhelmed so I just leave it sitting there without doing much with it. And of course that is not helping with anything just adding to my nervousness.
So of course by today I am pretty stressed out and that’s how it makes it self known. Through:
- Wanting to withdraw
As I am writing this I can feel my system quieten down a bit. I guess the part of me that felt all this stress, anger and frustration feels acknowledged which is sometimes all it needs. Just being validated and met “where things are at”.
What I am grateful for today:
- Being able to “stay with WHAT IS”and writing about it
- My coconut chai latte
- Having my own room