Image courtesy of “Heart Drawing On The Sand” by arztsamui
This is Day 2 of my 14 day mindfulness challenge. Every day for the next 14 days I will do a mindfulness meditation.
Today the focus was on labelling EMOTIONS. I had a fitful sleep as I was obsessing about this work project I can’t seem to get a handle on. That send me in an anxiety spin so I spent the first hour this morning working on said project to calm my stress levels before I felt ready to do my meditation.
After connecting with my abdominal breathing, I focussed on my chest area noticing which emotions were present. It turned out that obsessing about my work is a defense against underlying feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness.
Nevertheless, I am grateful to be able to be with this issue and having the capacity for it to emerge.
There is a lot of processing going on in my system, as well as resistance to release old patterns that no longer serve me.
That’s what the pain my neck and shoulders is all about.
Resisting to LET GO!
I also stayed with the irritability and short temperedness I have been experiencing over the past view days. And what I found that at the core are negative belief originating from childhood.
The negative beliefs are around feeling powerless and not being able to get my needs met.
And while this was quite true as a child my adult self is powerful and get her needs met.
But as long as this defense mechanism is not resolved this young part will get activated and then it is like I’m suddenly experiencing the world through the eyes of a child not through those of an adult.
So how to resolve negative beliefs?
I found that mindfulness helps a lot with being able to sit with the “emotional charge” of a pattern.
Once you can tolerate the level of anxiety that the pattern triggers you can ask yourself “how does that pattern and the emotions, and bodily sensations it is accompanied by affect my sense of SELF?”
Negative beliefs serve a purpose they were put in place to keep you safe in way that was appropriate at that time. “What needs were not met at that time?”
And then also exploring the positive ground “how would you be and feel if that pattern was resolved?”
What I am grateful for today:
For knowing what I know
My life experiences
Being able to name and write about what’s going on for me