Staying with WHAT IS – Being PULLED

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On some days it seems more difficult to hold the polarities of life than on others, to stay present to the tension of both sides.

Especially, if you have a tendency like me to experience the EXTREMES.

But nothing is ever just all good or all bad.There are opposites, pros and cons in everything we  do and experience.

Polarities are a normal fact of life, the issue lays in how we are dealing with them.

Whenever I feel those strong pulls in either direction and I notice myself reacting rather than making mindfully an informed decision, I try to be still. Find some space to sit with and journal about what is going on. To help me discern what is true to my AUTHENTIC self  and what is a defensive reaction to manage my anxiety about uncertainties.

What I am grateful for today:

  • My mentor who helps me name and contain those strong pulls.
  • My capacity to learn and to grow.
  • My space: Emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically.

Staying with WHAT IS – Day 32

John O’Donohue’s Eternal Echoes

Can you relate to the feeling of picking up a book and feeling really “gotten” by it?

Where the words you are reading resonate with something deep inside you?

Last night I felt that way when I started reading John O’Donohue’s ETERNAL ECHOES.

The feeling of longing is our soul’s yearning to feel connected and be part of the GREAT BELONGING.

And eventhough this feeling of longing can sometimes be painful as it is never quite satisfied but it also helps grow, and propels us forward towards self-discovery, creativity and our AUTHENTIC TRUTH.

As for myself the feeling of BELONGING makes itself known when I am being seen, when I can relax and speak my TRUTH, when I feel engaged and connected to others.

THANK YOU!

References

http://www.johnodonohue.com/

What I am grateful for today:

  • Meditating in my room.
  • Spring is just around the corner and it’s finally getting warmer!
  • Great books like John O’Donohue’s ETERNAL ECHOES.

Staying with WHAT IS – Day 16

I DIDN’T FEEL GREAT when waking up this morning.

Kind of in anxious anticipation of visiting my Mother quite soon. It is so easy for me to get caught up in a childhood dynamic when I am with her. Needless to say, we still don’t have an easy relationship.

I feel that whatever I give her in terms of attention and time is:

“NEVER ENOUGH!”

Spending time with her or sometimes even talking on the phone leaves me exhausted. Like she is sucking some of the life energy out of me.

Its is difficult for me to be authentic around her as I am busy guarding myself against eventual criticisms or intruding on my boundaries.

And then I feel guilty even thinking like that because she is after all MY MOTHER! The one who has raised me.

I know that naming all this is the first step of breaking that cycle but sometime I get very frustrated with the process.

I can also take it further and look at the underlying beliefs this pattern with my Mother brings up:

  • I am not enough
  • My Mother’s needs are more important than mine

And explore how these negative beliefs play out in my daily life. E.g. “When do I put others’ needs before my own?”

What I am grateful for today:

  • Being able to name what’s going on for me
  • The sun outside my window
  • Having the day ahead to myself