Not quite sure where I am at today. Mhmmm.
Had to take my daily practice (asana, meditation, journaling) from the living room (which has ducted heating) to my room as my partner is back and I have to share our space again.
Noticed how I was aware of his presence despite closed doors. And yes, I also noticed how that distracted me a bit in my practice. How it took the focus away from me.
This is really good learning for me:
How can I stay grounded and connected to myself in the presence of others?
I feel a bit of anxiety rising as I am writing this. The questions that immediately come up for me are:
“Is that OK?”
“Is that selfish?”
And once again I can link it to MOTHER.
My Mother, who was so afraid to loose connection to me (and probably earlier on to her OWN MOTHER) would do everything she could to NOT LET ME SETTLE, because that would have taken some of my focus away from her.
How powerful these old patterns are. How ingrained they are in our bodies, nervous systems and thinking patterns. Not surprisingly so, as they have been around for such a long time.
But I am onto them!
Becoming aware of them and naming them, so I no longer have to identify with them.
What I am grateful for today:
- Doing my practice this morning
- Having my own room
- Having the time and space to attend to myself in this way