Staying with WHAT IS – Day 19

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Today my partner is coming back.

He has been overseas for 2.5 weeks. I notice how I have mixed feelings about this:

While one part of me missed him and is excited to have him back, another part really relished the space I had to myself.

I enjoyed being able to things in my own way and time and feel a bit apprehensive of having to re-negotiate that again.


 How do I manage to attend to my own needs while at the same time attending to other(s)?

As Susan Smalley, Ph.D., put it so aptly: “An over-emphasis on self and independence can lead to overindulgence, consumerism, and narcissism. An over-emphasis on others and dependence can lead to neglect of self, doubt, and a failure to attend to one’s own health and well-being. There seems to be an ideal balance in the middle, an equilibrium of sorts, where an awareness of independence is balanced by an awareness of our dependent nature.”

So how do we find that balance between dependence and independence, being an individual and part of relationships with responsibilities?

It might take some honest soul searching and really identifying your motives for attending to other.

Maybe it is because it helps you

  • distract from your own problems?
  • feel powerful or needed?

Also how are you attending to your own needs?

  • Are you expressing your needs clearly?
  • Do you feel there is a balance between giving and taking in your relationships?

Maintaining that balance is not a static thing. Our needs for autonomy and attachment change from moment to moment. It needs frequent checking in to assess where we are at.


What I am grateful for today

  • My practice this morning
  • Having tidied up yesterday
  • Feeling healthy

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