Yesterday I couldn’t get out of bed and today I couldn’t stay in long enough. At bedtime I already worried about getting as much sleep as I could for my busy day ahead. This is one of my worry patterns to be tired and not having enough energy to sustain me. Of course then I spent the whole night tossing and turning and counting the hours of sleep I had left. At 2:45am I gave up and started with on of the things I had to get done.
I am re-reading what I have just written and ask myself:
- What is my learning in this?
- What is this telling me?
Well, for one there is an underlying fear probably linked to perfectionism of having to function 100% all the time, which is of course impossible.
Secondly, there is something around control. If I just make the right plan and prepare everything accordingly things will work out the way I want them to.
But guess what:
They might NOT after all. And with that I am reminded of my core leanings. “Surrender more, trying to control less!”
What I am grateful for today:
- The quietness of the early morning and how that instils clarity within myself.
- Being able to share this post.
- Getting everything done I had on my chore list for today.